


Smoke Damage

by With_Broken_Wings



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alex Mercer's Parents Are Homophobic (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst, Anxiety, Bad Parenting, Bisexual Bobby, Bisexual Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Demisexual Luke Patterson, Dissociation, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone's Parents Suck, F/M, Gay Alex Mercer (Julie and The Phantoms), Hurt/Comfort, Like a ridiculous amount of cuddling, Lots of Cuddling, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Polyamory, Protective Bobby | Trevor Wilson, Requited Unrequited Love, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:36:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/With_Broken_Wings/pseuds/With_Broken_Wings
Summary: The boys of Sunset Curve navigate the struggles of their bad home lives while secretly pining after one another.
Relationships: Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters
Comments: 16
Kudos: 64





	1. Looking At the Present's Fucking Sad

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for giving this story a try :)  
> For anyone who has read my other story, this one is not connected to it in anyway.   
> Titles based off the song Smoke Damage by Hi I'm Casey.

_No, I'm not okay but nothing's broke  
Maybe God'll let me die when my dreams go up in smoke ___

____

____

Reggie was sure his parents had loved each other at some point. The fact that he’d never seen it only went to show that he was what ruined their relationship. At least that’s what his dad liked to tell him when he’d had a few too many beers.

__He’d been laying in his room, staring at the ceiling, when the fighting started up. Sometimes his mind went fuzzy and his body became heavy and he’d blink away hours in a haze. That’s exactly what he’d been doing. Counting the plastic glow in the dark stars that he still had stuck up above his bed, his mind like TV static._ _

__The slamming doors and shouted insults had jolted him out of it though. It brought him painfully back to reality. A reality where his house was a war zone more often than not. A reality where he was unneeded and unloved._ _

__He fumbled to turn on his tape player and shoved a pair of headphones over his ears. Even the heavy drums and loud guitars couldn’t drown out the sound of his parents fighting. He sat through several songs, hoping that the argument wouldn’t drag out too long. But eventually he gave up, slipping his headphones off to see what they were yelling about this time._ _

__“He’s failing three classes!” his mother was screaming. ”It’s all your fault he’s an idiot!”_ _

__Oh, so that was it. The school must have called. In the past Reggie had always been good at passing tests and doing homework but he’d been skipping more often lately. It was hard to say no to Luke’s puppy dog eyes when he begged them to spend the day practicing songs instead of sitting through classes._ _

__“You’re the one who’s always been too soft on him,” his dad bellowed back. “If you let me pound some sense into him more often maybe he’d try a little harder!”_ _

__“Do you want people to talk? You already knock him around enough as it is!”_ _

__“And I don’t see you trying to stop me. It’s fucking discipline. Reginald needs more of it or he’ll end up a high school drop out just like you.”_ _

__His mother made a wordless sound of outrage. “I dropped out because you knocked me up, asshole. You think I wanted to drop out of school to take care of a baby?”_ _

__“You should have aborted him when you had the chance.”_ _

__Reggie closed his eyes and buried his face in his knees. The material of his jeans bit into his forehead._ _

__There was a moment of tense silence. It was startling in the wake of the previous half hour of shouting. He waited for his mom to respond. For his dad to apologize._ _

__The front door slammed. His father cursed. A few minutes later the door slammed again as he left._ _

__Those words sunk hooks into Reggie’s mind. His mom hadn’t even defended him. Both of his parents wished he had never been born._ _

__Sometimes he wished that too._ _

__He wasn’t going to sleep tonight._ _

__Reggie rolled out of bed. He grabbed his leather jacket from where it had been carelessly tossed on the floor and pulled it on before yanking on some shoes. When he stepped out of his room the quiet stillness was unsettling._ _

__He walked into the kitchen. There were no broken dishes at least. It was always a hazard if the fight happened to start nearby. But that night it had been in the living room. The dishware remained unbroken._ _

__He knew exactly which drawer his mom kept packed full of cigarette boxes. She never said anything when one went missing here and there, so he didn't hesitate to pluck out a box to slip into his pocket next to the lighter he usually carried around. It took one quick glance into the fridge to see the bottles of beer taking up the entire bottom shelf. He snagged one, knowing from experience that his dad wouldn’t even notice._ _

__He stepped out the front door and let it slam shut behind him, leaving the house empty._ _

__Reggie strolled down the beach. It was empty this late at night. There was something beautiful about the crashing of waves under the glowing moon._ _

__He felt completely alone._ _

__He stopped for a moment to stare out over the dark ocean before sitting himself down in the sand. He sprawled out comfortably and lit up a cigarette. He took a long draw and held it before watching the smoke drift through the air as he exhaled. He closed his eyes as the nicotine hit, letting himself sink into the feeling._ _

__After relaxing for a moment he moved to crack open the beer he’d brought along and took several swallows before turning back to the cigarette. He was mimicking his parents. He’d been doing this since he was just a kid. It was the only way he’d been taught to deal with stress. And sometimes he slipped into that mindset again._ _

__Sometimes the buzz of alcohol and the lazy spread of nicotine made him feel like it was worth it. Sometimes he wanted more than a stolen beer. Sometimes he wanted to down a bottle or two of vodka. Wanted to drown out everything._ _

__“Reggie?”_ _

__He looked up to see Luke and Alex standing a few feet away. Alex looked distressed. Luke had that sad face that made you feel like you’d just kicked a puppy in front of him._ _

__Reggie took another drag off his cigarette._ _

__“What are you doing Reg?” Luke asked softly._ _

__Reggie blew his smoke away from his friends and snorted. “What does it look like I’m doing?”_ _

__There was a thump as Luke sat next to him on the ground. He leaned heavily against Reggie’s shoulder. His weight was comforting. It made Reggie feel more connected to himself. More present._ _

__His mouth felt dry. He upended the beer bottle, finishing it off. He went back to his cigarette, already halfway gone now. He could feel Luke’s gaze on his mouth when he let the smoke curl out of his parted lips._ _

__“Could you put that out?” Alex’s voice shook a little._ _

__He remained awkwardly standing next to where Reggie and Luke sat in the sand. He was wringing his hands, chewing at his bottom lip. Reggie was making Alex anxious._ _

__He took one last long draw off the cigarette before stubbing it out in the sand and dropping it into the empty beer bottle. Alex’s shoulders dropped in relief. Luke leaned against him more heavily now, body plastered over Reggie’s side, practically cuddling him at this point._ _

__Alex finally sat next to them. His brow was furrowed with concern. Reggie ached to reach out and smooth his finger across it. To brush his stress and worry away. He hated causing Alex anxiety._ _

__“Why are you guys out here?” Reggie asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence._ _

__“I had a bad feeling,” Alex said quietly._ _

__“His Reggie radar was going off,” Luke chimed in._ _

__Alex’s cheeks went pink. “I don’t have a Reggie radar.”_ _

__Luke rolled his eyes with a good natured grin. “Sure you don’t.”_ _

__Reggie felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He leaned back into Luke’s hold. Luke buried his face in Reggie’s neck, tightening his arms around him._ _

__“Bad night?” Alex asked._ _

__“Ya.”_ _

__Reggie closed his eyes and turned to press his face into Luke’s hair. It was soft and smelled like generic shampoo. The curled ends tickled his cheeks._ _

__“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex prodded._ _

__Reggie sighed a little and turned to face him. He felt bone deep exhausted._ _

__“They were fighting about whose fault it is that I’m an idiot. My dad was pissed that my mom wasn’t ok with him ‘beating some sense into me’ more often. He said that he wished she would have aborted me. She didn’t argue with that.”_ _

__He felt Luke tense next to him. When he glanced over Luke’s expression was twisted in anger. Alex reached forward to take Reggie’s hand. He gave it a tight squeeze, his face open and sincere._ _

__“The world would be worse off without you in it. I’m glad you’re here Reggie. I’ll tell you that every day if I have to.”_ _

__“Love you,” Luke murmured._ _

__Reggie tried not to cry._ _

__“Thanks you guys.”_ _

__Alex cuddled up to him on the side that Luke wasn’t hogging. Reggie saw his nose wrinkle up a bit at the smell of smoke that lingered in the air and clung to Reggie’s clothes. But he pressed up against him anyways._ _

__“Don’t let Bobby know what your parents said,” Alex murmured. “He’ll actually kill them this time.”_ _

__“He probably would,” Reggie agreed fondly._ _

__Reggie soaked in the presence of two of his favorite people. Sure his parents wished he’d never been born but he had the best friends in the world that were always there to make him feel like he mattered._ _


	2. Too Far Away To See But I'm Always Moving Toward It

_It's getting hard to breathe I don't know why  
The air looks clear to me but the atmosphere is sordid ___

Luke was sprawled across the couch, gripping his pen so hard it almost hurt as he carved his emotions onto paper with sharp jagged edged words in his messy scribble.

He hated fighting with any of his boys. He'd argued with all of them at some point or another. It was unavoidable considering how long they'd been friends. Occasionally his frustration could turn into anger. Especially when it came to music. Thus him clashing with his bandmates every once in a while.

Out of all of them Reggie was the absolute worst to be mad at. Reggie wasn't typically an angry person. He curled in on himself whenever voices were raised like he was trying his best to disappear. It made Luke’s heart hurt and his anger would vanish immediately.

As a result any time Reggie frustrated him he ended up being a lot more rational than with the others. But Alex and Bobby weren't afraid to react to his anger with their own until they were feeding off each other's rage.

Alex was easiest to make up with out of the two. He was usually the one to approach Luke first to smooth things over. Once he cooled down he was usually able to calm Luke down as well. But Bobby…

Luke and Bobby sometimes had fights that lasted weeks until Alex and Reggie forced them to talk their issues out. Or until it started affecting their music and Luke broke first out of necessity.

He didn't like fighting with Bobby and he was pretty sure Bobby didn't like fighting with him. They were both just incredibly stubborn and Bobby had a short temper.

They never threw punches or said anything that crossed a line. Even while fighting they were still best friends. Still cared for one another. But Bobby had a hard time admitting when he was wrong and an even harder time moving on when he was the one in the right and Luke wouldn't admit it.

Bobby's girlfriend had caused their fight yesterday. She was always polite to them the few times they'd met and Luke didn't know her enough to dislike her personally. It was just the idea of her that he didn't like.

Whenever Bobby had a girlfriend he was distracted. He'd spend less time with the band and more time with her and Luke hated it. He could admit to himself that he was jealous. Bobby was _theirs _. Him and Reggie and Alex.__

____

____

So when Bobby was an entire hour late to practice yesterday after his date with her ran late Luke's irritation had boiled over. It wasn't pretty. And Luke didn't want to back down, didn't want to apologize. Because his anger still burned bright and hot. But he hated fighting with his boys.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was tired of feeling this way. He wanted to say something about it. To tell Bobby exactly why he should stop dating a different girl every month.

But he wouldn't.

This thing between them all was unspoken. They all felt it. He knew they did. But none of them had really acted on it yet. And Luke was afraid to be the first. Afraid he'd mess up somehow and ruin it all. He wasn’t always good with handling emotionally delicate situations like this.

So he waited. And waited. And hoped that one of the others would be the first to make the move that would change everything.

He jumped a little when the door creaked open, his pen skidding across the page. He scowled but it fell away when he looked up and saw Reggie peering inside the studio with wary eyes.

"Hey Reg."

Reggie gave him a half-hearted smile. He had a duffle bag over his shoulder as he shuffled through the door and closed it behind him.

"You doing ok?"

He wasn't sure why he asked when the answer was obvious. There were dark circles under Reggie’s eyes and a bruise forming on his jawline and he looked like he was on the edge of collapse. He shrugged and lugged his bag up the ladder to the loft. There was a couple of minutes of silence before he came back down.

Luke swung his legs off the couch and beckoned Reggie forward with a little tilt of his head.

Reggie flopped down on the couch next to him and immediately curled up against his side. He was definitely the most touchy of the group and Luke was more than happy to reciprocate. He dropped his notebook on the table and swung his arms around his friend's shoulders.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Reggie shrugged and buried his face in Luke's neck. He smelt like cigarettes and hair gel and the tip of his nose was cold. When he spoke his lips brushed the sensitive skin of Luke's collarbone and he felt warm all over.

"Same as always. Yelling. Throwing things. I haven't slept in two days. Just needed to get away."

"I've been arguing with Emily again so I was going to stay here to get some space. Want to sleep with me tonight?"

There was a pause and he could feel Reggie's mouth curl into a smirk.

"Sure Luke. Let's sleep together tonight."

He groaned and rolled his eyes though he could feel his face heating up. "You know what I mean you dork."

Reggie giggled. "Ya, thanks Luke. Love you."

Luke pressed his face into Reggie's hair to keep from kissing him. "Love you too dude."

"So what happened with your mom?" Reggie asked after a few peaceful moments of silence.

Like sighed. He loved his mom. He knew that she loved him too. They'd been close when he was younger. They'd sing together while his dad applauded making Luke beam with pride.

His mom bought him an electric guitar when he was 10. She called him her little Rockstar. But by the time he was a teenager she expected it to become a hobby, not a lifestyle. He was supposed to leave his dream behind as a child's fantasy.

Luke had been friends with Alex and Reggie since elementary school and when they met Bobby at thirteen years old they'd started playing together. By fourteen Sunset Curve was born. Within a year they were totally official, playing small time gigs and making a little cash from people passing by when they played down by the pier.

The band was good. Really good. And his dream was becoming a reality more and more every day. He was going to make it big. They all were. He could feel it every time they played. Their audience was always pulled into their music like it was a tidal wave. Sunset Curve touched people in such a way that they had an actual fanbase now. So much that people started asking them to play gigs instead of the other way around.

Luke wanted nothing more than to share his gift. To help people feel even an ounce of the pure joy music gave him. He'd make it big or die trying. And his friends were right there with them. Their songs bound them so close that Luke fell in love with the drum beats of Alex's heart, with the bass lines in Reggie's veins, with the rhythm in every breath Bobby took.

But these things weren't said out loud. Not really. They never put a label on it. He didn't think they had to. He said what he needed to by writing songs. With lyrics that showed his feelings in ways that regular conversations couldn’t.

Music was everything. In every part of his life. The way he communicated. The way he thought. The way he loved.

Luke's mom became more and more distant from him. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Because if she knew anything about him then she'd know him much music meant to him. Lyrics ran through his mind constantly. His fingers were always twitching, playing imaginary guitar chords whenever he had to sit still for too long.

The fact that she didn't realize it made him feel like a stranger in his own home. Made him feel like his parents didn't know him at all. It was an empty feeling of loss.

He started calling his mom Emily. Because she didn't really feel like his mom anymore. Because she didn't really know him anymore. The first time he’d called her that to her face she jerked back like he’d slapped her. He’d only meant to do it once but eventually it stuck. He hadn’t called her ‘mom’ in months.

Every time they spoke it was filled with tension. She'd start off asking about his day and before he knew it she'd be lecturing him. It always ended in an argument.

He was angry. But he was also sad. He wished things were different. He wished she understood him. He didn't know how to tell her in a way that she accepted or understood. He tried to let his music speak for itself but she refused to come to his shows.

She told him that she regretted giving him his guitar.

Luke knew that even if she hadn't he would have found music anyway. There's no way he wouldn't have. He wouldn't be himself without it. He'd be a different person completely. A person he didn't want to be. Luke missed the mother that sang with him. That applauded his music with a smile.

He was sixteen now. Practically an adult. He knew what he wanted to do with his life. A lot of people his age were still unsure. But Luke knew deep down to his very soul what he where he was heading. And it definitely wasn’t college.

That's what the argument had been this time. His mom was pressuring him to start looking into colleges since they were supposed to graduate next year. Luke wasn't even sure if he'd be able to graduate. And honestly he didn't care. Saying as much had set her off.

So he left.

He told Reggie as much and he rubbed Luke's back soothingly, hugging him closer.

"I'm so sorry Luke," he murmured. "We'll get our big break. Then we can leave this all behind. And they'll understand just how talented you really are."

"Ya."

Luke smiled a little. He felt better already, getting that all off his chest. And just being close to Reggie was enough to cheer him up.

"How are things with Bobby?" Reggie asked hesitantly.

Luke shrugged, mood dampened a little. "Same."

"Come on Luke. We were all frustrated that he was late but it's the first time it's happened in a long time. You can't stay mad about it forever."

Luke rolled his eyes. "I know, but come you know how he gets whenever he has a girlfriend."

Reggie was quiet to a moment. "Is it weird that none of the rest of us have been in a relationship before?"

Luke's heart skipped a beat. They were close to talking about the _thing ___

____

____

"No, course not. We've got each other. We have the band."

"Cool. Good. I worry sometimes. That it's weird. That I'm weird."

"Sure you're a little weird," Luke teased, "but so are the rest of us. I love you just how you are, you dork."

Reggie’s smile was soft, almost shy. "Thanks Luke."

"Just telling the truth," he shrugged.

They both looked around when the door swung open and Bobby stepped into the garage. His eyes narrowed at Luke and there was a brief standoff before all of the fight went out of his shoulders and he walked over to flop down on the couch.

“Sorry that I was late to practice Luke,” he mumbled. “I’m fucking tired of fighting. And I ended up breaking up with Linda this morning anyways.”

Luke gave him a sheepish grin, relieved to hear that they’d broken up. He should probably feel bad. But he didn't.

“Me too dude. I’m sorry for getting so upset.”

Bobby lifted his hand for a fist bump but Reggie rolled his eyes and reached over Luke to pull Bobby forward into their cuddle. He came easily, flopping down on top of Luke with a grunt.

Luke reveled in the warmth around him. All they needed was Alex and everything would be perfect.

He was so in love. His hands itched to write out a song. To put this moment into lyrics. But right now he was warm and happy and didn't really want to move. Song writing could come later.


	3. But Some Of Us Are Living In The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for homophobia and talk of conversion camps

_I'm not about to complain  
That's too much time and energy  
Too long a walk to try to turn back  
And I'm not the same ___

__Alex watched his mother in the kitchen from where he sat at the dining room table doing his homework. Her soft blond curls framed her face which was focused entirely on the knife in her hand as it slid through the potatoes on the counter in front of her, hitting the cutting board with a clack clack clack._ _

__Her hands were small. Delicate and soft. Hands that brushed through his hair fondly. Hands that had stuck bandaids on his scraped up knees when he was younger with a little kiss better, and that had tucked him into bed. They were kind hands. A mother's hands._ _

__His sister, Annabelle, was playing the piano in the next room over. Something classical. It rang through the walls, perfectly clear in the kitchen and dining room area. The perfect soundtrack to the atmosphere of their house._ _

__Alex wondered if it was real. He felt strangely disconnected for a moment. Like his body wasn’t his. Like this movie-like scene was part of a dream._ _

__His pencil snapped in his hand. He barely felt the pain. When he looked down his hand was dripping red, staining the white table cloth. The shards of wood had torn through his skin. He stared._ _

__"Alex?"_ _

__He snapped to attention at his mother's voice. She was drying her hands on her apron as she approached him._ _

__He watched as she took his limp wounded hand in hers. She tisked at the stain he'd left, face pinched in irritation._ _

__"You'll want to pull those splinters out before you bandage that up," she said._ _

__He nodded. She gave him a little pat on the cheek, her skin still slightly damp._ _

__"Now get up. I need to wash this blood out of the table cloth before it stains."_ _

__He gathered his schoolwork, careful not to get blood on any of it, and headed back towards his bedroom._ _

__He dropped his things on his desk and headed to the bathroom to bandage up his cuts._ _

__His reflection in the large bathroom mirror had him pausing. He stared for a moment. He felt like he was staring at a stranger. The longer he stared the more disconnected he felt from the face looking back at him._ _

__He wasn't sure how long he stood there before he came back to himself to move again. He sat on the counter and carefully plucked out the pencil silvers. He dropped them one at a time into the garbage can and bandaged himself up._ _

__Alex wandered into his bedroom. He flopped onto his bed and looked up at his ceiling. He felt very strange. He wondered if today should be the day he came out to his parents. He’d been considering it for a while but every time he tried his anxiety would overwhelm him to the point of a panic attack._ _

__But right now he couldn’t really feel his anxiety. It was there but very muted. There was a disconnect there, just like there was with every other thought and emotion. Like he was looking at it through a foggy pane of glass. It sort of felt like nothing mattered. Like his parents knowing the biggest secret he’d ever kept from them wasn’t a big deal. He was completely desensitized to it all._ _

__When his mother called him down from dinner he descended the stairs slowly. He felt himself focusing on the way the hardwood felt beneath his socked feet. Smooth and a bit cold._ _

__His family was already sitting at the table. They looked like perfect toys all bent into place in the mockery of a real family. The housewife mother. The businessman father. The blond daughter with a sweet smile and perfect grades. Too perfect to be real. And he was supposed to be a part of it. He felt like a puppet on strings being guided into place as he sat down next to Anna at the table._ _

__They all bowed their heads as his father said grace. There was quiet for a moment as they all dished up their food. He put a bit of everything on his plate only to make no move to eat it. He wasn’t hungry._ _

__For a moment he felt nothing. Nothing at all. It wasn’t bravery that drove him to speak. It was numb dissociation._ _

__"I have something to say."_ _

__Everyone's heads turned his way. He thought of his mother's kind hands. His father's proud smile. They loved him. And he was tired of lying._ _

__"I'm gay."_ _

__Everything froze as he watched them all. Wondering what their script would be for this scene. He chewed at the inside of his cheek so hard it started to bleed. His mouth tasted like copper._ _

__Anna already knew his secret. He'd caught her kissing another girl over a year ago and they'd had a heart to heart. His sister was bisexual. Alex was gay. There was a bonding moment. They’d both agreed to keep these parts of them hidden from their parents for now._ _

__His parents had no idea. He was pretty sure they thought of both him and his sister as the cookie cutter perfect Christian children that they'd molded them to be._ _

__Until now._ _

__His mother let out a hysterical laugh. His father's eyes had turned hard and unforgiving._ _

__"No," his dad said._ _

__"No?"_ _

__"Sit down and we'll forget this conversation ever happened."_ _

__There was absolute silence as they all watched for Alex's response. He felt sick. The dissociation fell away and underneath it was all out panic. It washed over him like he'd jumped straight into freezing cold water and he found himself struggling to breathe._ _

__But he'd already started this. If he sat back down and moved on this would continue to eat away at him. He pushed through the fear clawing at his insides._ _

__"I can't." He was amazed at how steady his voice was because his hands were shaking and his heart was pounding so hard it hurt. "I'm gay. I was born this way and I'll always be this way and there's nothing wrong with it."_ _

__His father’s fists hit the table so hard the dishes rattled. His mother promptly burst into tears. Anna was frantically looking back and forth between them all. She seemed at a loss as to what she was supposed to do in this situation. Alex didn’t blame her._ _

__“Please Robert,” his mother wiped at her tears as she tried to calm her husband. “There are programs that can fix this. Alexander I know you think that you have to accept this but you’re only confused. There’s a camp one of the lady’s at church mentioned a few weeks ago. It can teach you to unlearn these vile urges.”_ _

__Alex’s father still looked furious but seemed to be acknowledging his wife’s idea._ _

__“Perhaps that could work. Alexander, we’ll be looking into this immediately. And in the meantime you will speak of this to nobody. We can’t have you dragging our family name through the mud. If you bring this up again I will not hesitate to beat this disgusting sin out of you.”_ _

__Alex had never seen his parents like this. And his father had never threatened to hurt him before. It was terrifying._ _

__He wanted to keep arguing his point. To scream that he’d never change and that he refused to go to their abusive mind washing conversion camp. But his anxiety was too much. He couldn’t speak through the panic clogging up his throat._ _

__He turned on his heel and dashed up the stairs to his bedroom. He snagged his backpack where it sat next to his desk and started shoving clothes in amongst the notebooks and textbooks. He could only fit a few days worth but that was enough for now._ _

__Allex yanked on his shoes and swung the bag over his shoulder. He crept down the stairs as quietly as possible. He didn’t want to draw their attention again. He just wanted to leave. Now. Before a panic attack hit and he was utterly helpless._ _

__His parents were arguing loudly. He tried to block it out. Tried not to listen to the awful things they were saying about him as he slipped down the hall to the front door._ _

__As soon as the door closed he let himself lean against it for a moment, breathing heavily. He let out a sob and pressed his hands to his mouth to muffle the sound as his eyes burned with tears._ _

__He pulled himself together and took off at a run. Every heavy step on the road was jarring. He focused on the beat of his feet on the pavement as he ran. Tried to use it to steady his breathing._ _

__He didn’t stop until he was at Bobby’s house. He wasn’t ready to talk to Bobby right now. Not yet. He was a mess and he didn’t want to force anyone to deal with him in this state. So he stumbled his way to the garage in the back and almost fell through the door from how frantically he threw himself inside._ _

__He should have known that it wouldn’t be empty. Reggie practically lived in the garage at this point and Luke had started spending just as many nights here as he did at home. They were both cuddled together on the couch when he burst in, interrupting._ _

__"Alex? What's wrong?" Luke asked._ _

__He and Reggie wore matching looks of concern._ _

__"I… I just… I came out to my parents," he gasped as the reality of what had happened hit him. "Oh my god they know. I told them and… fuck. God I can't…"_ _

__He choked. He clutched at his chest. It felt like he was having a heart attack. He gasped for breath but couldn't seem to get enough air. His vision was blurring. He felt like he was dying. He was going to suffocate. His heart was going to stop. He was going to die._ _

__"Alex! Alex!!!"_ _

__His friends were shouting, suddenly right in front of him. Luke rubbed at his back soothingly as Reggie took his hands, giving them a hard squeeze._ _

__"Look at me Alex. I need you to breathe with me."_ _

__"I can't," he sobbed. "I can't. I can't do this. Please please it hurts."_ _

__"Tell me where we are right now?"_ _

__"What?"_ _

__"Tell me where we are."_ _

__"The studio?"_ _

__"Good," Reggie nodded. "And what's your name?"_ _

__"Alex."_ _

__"Yup. And what's my name?"_ _

__"Reggie."_ _

__"You got it! Now breathe in with me. Slowly."_ _

__Alex struggled to control his gasps and follow Reggie's lead._ _

__"Good, now hold it. You've got this. Now breathe out. Slowly."_ _

__Alex did so._ _

__"Awesome. Now let's do that again."_ _

__He followed Reggie and he counted out his breathing. Within a couple of minutes he no longer felt like he was having a heart attack._ _

__Reggie's quickly put his arms around him. His hugs never failed to comfort Alex. He hugged with his whole body, pulling Alex to lean against him heavily and tucking Alex's face against his neck. Luke's hand was still warm against his back._ _

__He wasn't sure how long he cried before there was another gentle touch on his shoulder that prompted him to look up._ _

__Bobby was in the garage now too, crouched down in front of him. He was holding a box of tissues under his arm and a glass of water in the hand that wasn't rubbing at Alex's shoulder soothingly._ _

__"Hey man, thought you could use these."_ _

__Alex nodded thankfully and detangled from Reggie to blow his nose. Bobby took his tissue with a slight grimace and chucked it in the trash. He handed Alex the water and he gulped down thankfully._ _

__"What happened?" Bobby asked._ _

__Alex tensed. "I uh.. I came out to my parents."_ _

__"Fuck. I'm guessing it didn't go well?"_ _

__"They want to send me to a conversion camp."_ _

__"We won't let that happen," Luke said instantly. "I promise."_ _

__Bobby's hands curled into fists, his expression furious. Alex had no doubt that there was a very real possibility that his friend would actually go to his house and try to fight his parents._ _

__Bobby was protective and that often came out in anger. He'd beaten the shit out of every schoolyard bully Reggie had ever had. Out of ever homophobic asshole that jeered at how physically close they boys would get to one another._ _

__Bobby wasn’t as good at talking as he was at fighting. If someone hurt one of his boys Bobby was going to be walking away with bruised knuckles._ _

__It gave Alex constant anxiety but in some ways he appreciated it. It made him feel cared about. That Bobby loved them enough that he protected them the only way he knew how._ _

__"Don't," Alex said quietly. "I'd rather you be here."_ _

__Bobby's fists relaxed but his scowl didn't leave. He collapsed next to them, squeezing between Luke and the end of the couch._ _

__"If you change your mind let me know," he mumbled. "I'm not afraid to fight your parents."_ _

__"I know," Alex couldn't help but smile a little._ _

__His home life might be falling apart but he'd always have these boys next to him. He didn't have to go through this alone._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are what give me the motivation to keep writing so let me know what you think!  
> I can also be found on tumblr at electrichammer2theheart.tumblr.com


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